13-Young love

I meet her at the street of time,
Next to the junction of dreams,
Right where hope and darkness meet and form the unknown,
You know right in the front of the photo gallery of life.

She was drinking what appeared to be wine,
Or maybe it wasn't wine,
Maybe it was just a water shining upon her red lips,
What ever it was, it made me lose myself in time.

I walked towards her,
My friends latter told me she was only few meters away;
But it felt like a thousand miles;
Nevertheless I kept on walking;
I walked, I walked and I walked;
Near I got; I smiled and walked away;
I walked away wondering what then?
What can make me happy? This moment that I think I am inlove
Or latter when it all comes crumbling down?

Regardless of the outcome the temptation to dare to love someone
is a great feeling to me!
So I shall walk again soon, no matter how slow,
or no matter how I never get there;
I still shall walk and stop and walk again.

12.About today.....

Open the windows
There is a special aroma in air
Maybe God have exhaled in it, for once trying to breathe the same air as we do.

Open the windows,
Today the old bird of your life is singing with a new voice, a younger voice,
It is singing a new melody, I do not know what it is, the answer lies within you.

Open the windows today
Today the old tree of life
Has blossomed with strange flowers
White, red, pink, even the colour of god!
How strange, I thought today is the second month of autumn?

Open the windows,
There is a cold essence occupying your room,
It has been years since pain been renting this place,
No it is not the fault of Pain for this awful cold feelings, it has been a good tenant,
You can only blame yourself for been greedy for too long,
Not letting go of pains generosity, hiding behind it, avoiding solutions, avoiding your life!

Open the window,
Today is some other day unlike others,
Today is a strange day,
It seem that I know you from somewhere not far away.

Open the windows,
There seem to be a new bird flying in your sky,
It has a very nice voice,
I think it is asking you to sing along.
"What should sing?"
"Sing about the today,
About the strange aroma in it,
About how the old bird of your life is signing with a new voice,
About the awakening of your old tree of life, how it blossomed for you flowers in red, white, blue, even in colour of God,
Sing about yourself and the window that you have closed shut for long time.
Sing about how you learn to open the windows one more time,
Sing, just sing, as tomorrow is another day,
Maybe tomorrow is better than today,
Or maybe tomorrow a new strange bird come in your life and convince you to sing with,
Just like me right now,
But all I know for now is just sing along with me,
Sing and dont forget that there are few more tomorrows yet to come."

11.10.08

11- Where I come from

Where I come from the trees are greener
The birds are always awake
The sky is always smiling clouds;
The nights always celebrate the birth of a new day and morning is in harmony with the night that is yet to come..

Where I come from you don't need a reason to be happy,
Sadness is only in existence to give meaning to happiness;
Happiness is with you in all moments;
Where I come from music is the melody that the watch make.

Where I come from everyday is a celebration;
You don't need a reason to come together and be happy;
People smile don't make you yellow;
People words don't aim to hurt you,
They actually have a meaning.

You may ask where it is that I come from?
Where I come from does not exist,
It cannot be found on maps;
Where I come from is located within me.

10-Trying to make sense of it all

Woken up from a 21 years slumber; I realized my entire life lived till now had no meaning that can be used as a good foundation for the tomorrows to come. I was doing many things, but why, I did not know, I was doing it mostly out of conformity, to what, let say the people around me!
Spend 80% of my 21 yeas studying, I guess it was good, maybe it was the only knowledge that I can consider at least near absolute, but I am pretty sure they too have their loop holes.
So what now? What is after this awakening moment?
I do not know; maybe it is a moment; maybe it is a phase thing, maybe in two weeks time I forget it all and have a good laugh if I remember it, but for now I know if I can remember this moment in weeks/days to come, I shall live a conscious life with decision make by reason, so at least if I do make a mistake I be less sorry since at least I tried to do the right thing, tried with good intention.

PS: Those two are my cats when i am sad they always seem to know it, as as soon as i turn they are there!

9-Punch line of my thoughts

I was born on earth;
Yet my nature is nothingness;
Beside my biological existence I do not know why I am me?
Yet I do exist!

I belong to no nation;
My mind is free;
My limit is where my mind takes me mentally.

My Sorrows and pains are common;
There is nothing special about them;
You all have them, dont assume that I am saying you are ordinary no;
But understand that you also have felt my pains; I am not an extraordinary thing;
Yet it is extraordinary that I exist.

My home lays behind those mountains,
Which one? You may ask me?
I do not know, I was hoping I would find by the direction of your face.

I write in hope of making my mental image visible to my rational side;
Yet nothing I write seem to make sense;
My poems are as free as a Balkan Gypsy;
Just like them they also admire the moment;
Yet at the end they are broke as can be,
Broke tired and puzzle;
Yet they live and continue to live, ahhh how good is to be gypsy.

My mind even lies to itself;
No do not trust it;
Yet listen to it;
It likes to talk and listen;
Listen as part of been good is been a carrying thing.

My words belong to nothing;
They are only a sound that comes from within me
They tend to make sense time to time;
So they say, but yes time to time;
Yet there is nothing special about them;
We all can make the same noises;
Yet time to time I hear extraordinary combination made with the words I spoke;
No not by me; by others;
There is something extraordinary about words.

It is now time to make the punch line of my poem;
But once again nothing comes to mind;
So here it comes, ?

8-Familiar faces

Familiar faces;
I see many;
Most of them smile at me,
Few just stair,
Some blink a few times, tilt their head down , and than walkaway.

I also see many new faces,
Yet I feel I know them,
I don't know how but I know I know them'
Yes I know them for sure'
They too like me are alive'
They too also feel pain,
Feel joy,
Them too also have faced ups and downs,
Maybe more, maybe less, nevertheless we all felt some feelings.

Tell me why it is hard to get along?
Is there more to life than this?
Isn't life is all about been able to link and associate to one another?
Or maybe this is the key to friendship?
I don't know, but all I know when it comes to feelings we all feel and in that way
We are all the same, as we all breathe!

7.A walk on path of life

Today I took a walk on the old road of memories, I flipped a few pages from the book I call life; You know trying to figure it all out;make some kind of sense; No not to philosophies but to he a human. Today I saluted the steady river I call time, And thanked the rock under the steady river, I call them memories; Today I saluted the sun I call hope, I kissed hands that gives me meaning, I call it mother; Today I spok to few good things; I call them friends; I jumped for joy what I call been alive. Today I thanked my self, just for once; Maybe life is not bad after all.

M

Smile; Tomorrow maybe worse; yet you manage just like you did all the time

6.Love is walking distance away...

I meet her at the street of time,
Next to the junction of dreams,
Right where hope and darkness meet and form the unknown,
You know right in the front of the photo gallery of life.

She was drinking what appeared to be wine,
Or maybe it wasn't wine,
Maybe it was just a water shining upon her red lips,
What ever it was, it made me lose myself in time.


I walked towards her,
My friends latter told me she was only few meters away;
But it felt like a thousand miles;
Nevertheless I kept on walking;
I walked, I walked and I walked;
Near I got; I smiled and walked away;
I walked away wondering what than?
What can make me happy? This moment that I think I am inlove
Or latter when it all comes crumbling down?

Regardless of the outcome the temptation to dare to love someone is a great feeling to me!
So I shall walk again soon, no matter how slow, or no matter how I never get there;
I still shall walk and stop and walk again.

5-Dancing under the willow tree

After my death
Bury me under a middle age willow tree;
No perhaps an apple tree,
Maybe the apple gives them a reason to come to visit me;
Maybe plant a few willow trees;
I always liked how they danced with the wind;
How they are flexible to its kisses and harshness;
How no matter how tough the wind gets; they still dance and dance and dance.


On my grave stone don't write my name, nor my age, nor anything with words;
Just a question mark, with a few confused smiles around it; so it can be symbolic;
Sometimes no words can express the nice feeling a simple smile give you;
I always liked symbols best; I like simple signs that make you happy;
Some times a simple smile to one's face is better than thousand books written
in dedication to them.

When I die remember me not with tears;
Tears are good only if brings joy;
In my life I failed to see such tears yet;
Remember me only if you feel happy;
Forget me if you must;
But never cry.

4-Emotions

Today is one of those days that I have alot in my mind, wish I could talk about them all, it is not that I dont want to do, no, it is because I simply do not have the ability to paint them with words.
So what is it? Here are some general text book meaning of it;

1. Oxford dictionary:

• noun 1 a strong feeling, such as joy or anger. 2 instinctive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.

2. Psychology:Feelings about a situation, person, or objects that involves changes in physiological arousal and cognition's.
3. Philosophy; Emotions are simply a class of feelings, differentiated from sensation and proprioceptions by their experienced quality.

Which is it? How to decide? I really do not know, but all I know in order to be a human we have to be aware of this things that are categorized as emotions, at least try to, if we do not do so it well be very hard for us to fit into a society that we have no emotional attachment with; especially to the members/things that form the society, as we lack the ability to sense their emotions, we would become a biological, living robot, one that can grow and be aware of its surrounding, yet just not quite fit it as it lacks the thing that forms a bond between two things.

I agree with it say it is sometimes better to lack and ignore emotions than have it at all, maybe yes it may appear to in such manner but ignore it for too long for whatever reason, your ignorance about your feelings well turn into confusion and slowly into a negative subconsciously depressive feeling; a feeling that just make of us something we always fear to be.

In many cases we act like we don't care and lack emotional bonding with a certain feeling/thing/individual, but all we do is lie and hide the truth; the truth that obviously WE still have emotions.

Yes as my friend says; for everything there is a limit. So try to understand ones feeling, emotion and on the other hand ration with it. Understand it, try to do so at least, and just dont keep it in yourself; hiding it from yourself; as trust me it well HUNT you in the years to come.

Emotion drives human to live and carry on; perform actions that they can only dream of, many good, few bad; but at the end ignoring it would make your life just dull and meaningless and eventually depressive.

May your life be a roller coaster of emotion; emotions that at end makes you a better man, a happier person.

3-Choronicle of tears

Types of tears
I always thought how many types of crying we have? So here I begin investigating various kinds of cries we human have. In order for me to explain myself better I have divide the process of crying into two main division and within them into various subdivision. This ‘I’ would apologize for such cruel way of categorizing humans emotions, but this ‘I’ does not apologize for expressing what he think is ‘is’!
i- Pre-birth stage:
1- News of possible ‘You’(1 and 2 months after fertilization): This is the very first time that you and your life will experience this powerful tool of emotion, weeping! You parents, relatives are informed about the creation of ‘You’. They may cry for whatever reason. The mother cries due to excitement of becoming a mother. She may cry due to not being ready for motherhood, a so call unwanted pregnancy or......Although we are not yet alive or smart enough to recognize crying, our life begins with tears.
2- Moments before birth/labour: Let me just apologizes for been unfair and jumping 7 to 5 month to the future and skipping what may have been important ‘weeping’ periods of your life but I cruelly assumed that the reason behind those cries are the same as the reason for the past cries, just a repetition, a so called amplification of already known reasons. Now I want to fast forward to the moment just before the birth of the ‘You’ or this ‘I’. The first thing that a child hears when he comes to this physical realm is the cry of his own mother due to the pain of labour or due to happiness of becoming a mother or..... Maybe the mother doesn’t cry but no matter what the first thing that a child learns is to do is to cry as soon as he or she can inhale air. No one can really know why a child cries but the major reason is due to the pain of labour and some say to clear the lungs. I don’t know the reason behind it but what is important is that it another weeping period of one's life! Life begins with ‘You” crying.

ii- After birth: There are many stages, I can know up to my age and speculate the rest.....blame my age and lack of worldly experience and my human nature and character if you don’t like my cruel classification.
1- 0-5: Most of our tears are due to excitement and curiosity. Due to confusion and feeling small. Not knowing what to do. We mostly cry in this age category as it is our only tool of communication and protection we have available.
2- 6-10: We cry mostly due to frustration and embarrassment. Time to time we cry due to pain. It is in this age category that the ‘I’ is confronted with the quote, “you are man/women now, man/women don’t cry in your age”. We begin to think about the reason behind our crying and slowly learn to suppress it without really understanding that quote! All we know you cry=no good!
3- 11-15: Tear and cries turn into anger and arguments and fights or are only resulted from them. We cry only when we are alone, or we cry only when we really trust someone and we want them to know how we feel. We cry when we are stuck and do not know what to do. At this age cries are mostly result of either physical fights, especially after we lost a physical combat, or when we really can’t deal with the ups and downs of life . In some magical way our emotions are felt like they are collecting in our throat creating suffocation feeling, and you just have to cry, mostly due to panic attacks.
4- 16 and 21: You only cry when you’re alone. You never show any emotional weakness. Life becomes a battle ground and your weakness, your emotional issues becomes a sign of your weakness for others. Emotional weakness turns into myths to you, even though they are as real as it can be, you just make yourself feel like it has just died within you. You cry alone, and in many cases you just cry without knowing why you do so! You mostly cry when you are drunk! You cry and are confused why you cry because you have begun ignoring your feelings for too long that the reason for your tears are not one and two, there are many. And that how depression takes over your life!
5- 22 and 40: You tend to look at feelings more maturely. You slowly change your idea about emotions. You begin to work with it. You slowly grow into learning more about it.
6- 41 and above: Now you probably have kids and grand children. And as you pass this magical period you become more like the kid you used to be back in stage 1. You learn from your kids and grand children what being “1” was like. You become more sensitive as you cannot take it anymore. Life has done its damage to you and you want to feel free, and keep you mind free of emotions. You may cry less but the tears and the time that you are crying is more longer and are much more intense. And in most of the cases you just cannot control it. For women’s the tears become less but more often!

2-The true enemy of mankind

Every time I turn on the TV it appears that mankind appear to be facing new challenges, new disease, new wars, new weapons that possibly could be method of ending mankind. If we pay careful attention we can see that the majority of wars and violence are emotionally caused. Yes emotion is the true enemy of mankind.

Some could conclude than in reality humans are the true enemy of their own kind as emotion is part of human character? Yes indeed true. Humans are creatures with feeling. We tend to sense things, many of them could be wrongly sensed, eg a man having a bad day at work and thinking every guy who looks at him is because they think he looks funny! Emotions forms a great portion of men's character. Don't ignore them. Don't take them for granted! Do take it serious. It is how depression comes into existence and how suicide takes place, how people go on a rampage and kill dozens of people and it is how suicide bomber carry their actions!
If one is not careful emotion could become the true enemy of mankind.

1-The will to write

I always enjoyed talking and socializing with people I know, and to a certain extend to the people I do not know. However I never sort of had the chance to talk to myself seriously. So I thought why not do so. So I begun a reflective journal, even though I hate the teenage, girly feeling I get when I hear the word journal (ignoring the fact that journal is the first cousin of diary), I thought that the feeling is due to my ignorant of the importance of if and I should not listen to that bitter inner men inside me and start listening to my feminine inside and indeed I begun awaken the inner women within me! God she is old and grumpy! My fault for ignoring her for such a long time.

I always enjoy writing, no matter how bad or rubbish it was I enjoyed doing it. I don’t know what is in it that makes me feel good but it does. I think it has something to do with the fact that I have to spend some time thinking about what to write! How it keeps me occupied and in a way numbs me about the motion of time and the events around me. To many losing track of time is not a good thing but we all do want to have moments to get away from it all. Some smoke various things, some drink various things, some like to travel, but since I cannot do all those for various ethical, health and economical reason I like to get away from my real universe to the universe of my imagination. The world where how it is depends on how I want it to be. The world where I alone will be the talker, the thinker, the god, the believer, the unbeliever and the alpha and the omega. But the main reason why I begun writing is because of the promise I made myself at the beginning of my university degree. I promised to finish a short book before graduation date. So here I am trying to fulfill this goal, part of many goals that I always made, and part of the few goals that I ever begun trying to achieve, and I am hoping that it well join those few goals that I had the chance to finish, to be honest I should say tried to finish.

So how do I decide what to write in this pages? I am a men of the moment! I believe the moment is the basis of the future, and hence I try to live the moment. So therefore I begin my writing without really caring about what to write. I am not worried about not knowing what to write about as much as I am worried about how to write about all those ideas that come to me while I write. I am also a man of passion so naturally whatever idea I feel more passionate towards, it is going to be the plot of my writing for the moment I write. Today feeling was about convincing myself why I begun this book, booklet, blog, reflective journal, or whatever you want to name it and I can say with confidence ‘mission accomplished’ for this part!