The sadness 'i' know

At what point should I worry about my life? When the hair line is slowly increasing its march backward towards my spine, when my waist is slowly expanding, when my friends are in a manner that I know their faces but not their name, or perhaps when the people I thought are my friends are in fact strangers.

I don’t get it why sadness and pain always seem to have an aesthetic to all of us, we get the pain and the suffering but we get it in the most amazing way, in a way it makes us feel good in a bad way! It seems like happy moment has no meaning on paper where as pain and suffering just makes perfect sense on paper with minimum effort of trying to pain them with words? Or maybe it is because the entire sadness I read in the paper is understood so easily by me is because I have lived it at least once or maybe more than once.

We only remember the extreme emotion within our life I hope there is more to life than the extremes I know so far.

To be understood

After a certain ages we just need someone to understand us, call that person a friend call it a best friend, or call a whatever you want, we just want some to to understand us, not necessiarly feel sorry for us or do anything, but to just get us. The complexity of it is not only in how we want to show ourself but for most the inability of expressing oneself.

As a result most turn into music, art, become great writers and create the characters they wish to be themselves, exposing their nature as the people in their work and after that they just wait and see how those characters are loved by others. Yes in order to express ourselves some might go as extreme as deforming their human like shape. And all they do is wait for someone to come and tell them that 'yes they get it'


Reality is we either have hard time to understand ourself or what we undertand of ourself is something we completely ignore due to our dislikes

To say goodbye....

It was a brief encounter, an event beyond words ability to describe, complete accident, complete non-sense, illogical incident but it was magical, it was like the universe arranged for this to happen.
Accident do not take place, but if they do they rarely this magical. Two strangers meet and they somehow learn in few brief encounters without knowing one other carefully they have this ability to get one another almost completely.

They did not need to explain the obscure and strange nature of their mind to one another. The thoughts that made others frown out of discomfort when they heard them verbalize it, it only made them smile, smile because they get it.

They were too alike and strange, so strange that they both always told themselves that if there was one more of them this world would be too small for both of them. But here they were, two people so much alike, what there is for them to do? Should they pretend they never saw one another, should they just pretend so they do not need to say good bye? Should they continue and be amazed how much they are alike? But they know one day they would hate each other, hate each other for getting so used to one another, for known what the other one is like, for reading one another’s mind without the need for words; hating each other for known the thoughts, desires, personality, needs and for the addiction they might have to another one day. Hating the mutual need of one another that it might make them sick to think about it, the beating heart, the anxiety, the question, the thoughts, the jealousy and the apologies that follows’ soon after.

What them to do? Say good bye or pretend nothing happened.

Who knows maybe it was just all in their head, maybe they wanted to see the another that way all because they just wanted to, they needed to.

But yes, “Fihe Mafih”

So the next page is left blank intentionally so there is space for changes perhaps a chance to go back and add things if it was needed, maybe yes maybe make changes that made it better, made it all worthwhile, worth living...