hmm

What a shitty day, went out to get my mind off few things took a long walk, ended up ordering subway for lunch, took the first bite and I notice a guy looking for half left food to eat. That is all I needed. I dont know why I froze and instead of given the other half just got up and did nothing.

Cant wait till I am actually doing useful for the society.

I suffer from goalesness

I just realised I suffer from goalesness. For those of you who are lucky enough to not to know of this disease let me tell something about it. I like to begin with a quick introduction about it, it is shit, real shit. That concludes the short introduction. Now allow me to go more in depth.
There are days I wake up all happy about the fact that I got no plans, I got nowhere to be, no assignment to do, no late meetings with bosses, no late hand in, no late design to be handed in to a client, feels great, just too great for it to be true. (And of course it is.)
And then there are days which I wake up, like an old man I pick on everything, I pick on the sun, yell at it, yell at it for why it is so freaking bright!
I even try to pick a fight with Siri, the stupid bitch is too fucking calm. I don’t blame her, she is after all lives in the clouds!

This diseases makes me want to call my boss and apologies for indirectly calling him a dickhead, but who am I kidding he is truly is a dickhead, hell with it, it was a dead end job anyway, couldn’t work for free for another 6 month till I graduate. And the other job with I actually got paid for, well hell with that, my body cant handle night shifts anymore. I could ask my friends for a job but I don’t like that, I don’t like it when people help me, there is this guilt I feel that I have to return the favour and I don’t know how. I will try to return the favour and all I do is create more awkward moment which probably might ruin another friendship.

So now I am left with a keyboard and a laptop to brag about it.
I guess the point of this disease is that sometimes we just go to say fuck it!
It is the last summer break I ever have so I might just keep on yelling at the sky, maybe one day the sun replies back to me!

Your life and your technology

Got up around 10-11 am, I know it is late hey it is my break sue me, turned on the coffee machine to geta nice coffee brewed, turned on the computer to catch on news, did my daily facebook stalking (no I meant social interaction) to make me feel a little more human, listened to some music and basically in the first one hour the day begun interacting with technologies which 10 years ago were non-existence. I realized a large portion of my life is attached with interacting with things which has changed my life in an unknown way(positive, negative I dont know).

So I wondered what would my day be consist of if one day all those interaction medium is gone? So I decided to challenge my self by reducing the usage of those things. I dont have a problem with TV I hardly watch it, youtube has killed tv for me. The hard part would be not using youtube. So here is the plan for the next 30 days :

1-2 hours of youtube and by day 30 youtube usage should be down to 45 minutes a day.

2-News reading 1 hour a day don't need to change that.

3-One movie a day, by day 30 should be reduced to one movie every three days.

4-Music nope cant change that!

5-Replace ebook reading with actual books, hopefully this well stop me from using laptop.

6-Total time spend behind laptop on daily basis should be 5 hours maximum.

Good luck Moe!

A will to will again

There are always many things which trouble us. Things which we cannot deal with alone so we simply ignore hoping it might go away by itself, but they never do. So old pain becomes permanent wounds. And we just become accustom to the pain the wounds give us (or as least we pretend it doesn't hurt, yes we only become good in pretending it really nothing at all).

We soon find ourself awake in middle of the night wondering why we cant sleep.

O yea so what is the point of this blog, I finally decided to keep this stupid silly project going (thank you, you know who you are)

?

A:Its to late for me, save your own soul.

B:'You can still make it, give me your hand, dont be foolish, dont let go.

A:'It is to late, I cannot jump, this leap is to long for me, my legs are not capable of jumping this far.

It was nice knowing you, our paths end here.

Human ability

You can only be liberated when you try to see reality and reflect on it. I am aware of the difficulties of known what is real and what you want it to be real. The vast majority of us live our life centered on wanting to make reality something else.
Do not get me wrong, don’t think I am promoting reality as a thing with a finite shape which cannot be changed, I am aware of the power of free will, the ability to shape our own reality, my point is accepting the limit of our ability. While it is normal to want your life to be in a certain way there are many factors which beyond our ability to control, do not feel lost and out of control when those things happen, this does not mean you are no in control of your life, infact you are, what you are not in control of is reality.

Reality consist of you, me, them, others, the table and, your life is defined based on your interaction of you with reality. You can control your interaction, however you can never predict the reality and the impact of your interaction with it, respect it and move on.

Do not see life as a battle and say ‘I accept defeat’, see life as life and realize you are a human with limited ability, respect your limit and grow with it.

A search....

Searched for love in the eyes of a Gyspy goddess

I lost the world, I found an emotion, it was lust

I realized love was not in it

Searched the Golden sun for Gold

I realized it was too hot to reach

Wealth is something best from far away

I searched for happiness

I smiled all day for no reason

I drunk with the people of Winehouse and dance to their melodies

Soon became sober

I realized happiness is not the voice of laughter no in mere facial gesture

It is from within

I searched for all things but one

I realized that one is the search to end all searches.

08-05-2011