I just realised I suffer from goalesness. For those of you who are lucky enough to not to know of this disease let me tell something about it. I like to begin with a quick introduction about it, it is shit, real shit. That concludes the short introduction. Now allow me to go more in depth.
There are days I wake up all happy about the fact that I got no plans, I got nowhere to be, no assignment to do, no late meetings with bosses, no late hand in, no late design to be handed in to a client, feels great, just too great for it to be true. (And of course it is.)
And then there are days which I wake up, like an old man I pick on everything, I pick on the sun, yell at it, yell at it for why it is so freaking bright!
I even try to pick a fight with Siri, the stupid bitch is too fucking calm. I don’t blame her, she is after all lives in the clouds!
This diseases makes me want to call my boss and apologies for indirectly calling him a dickhead, but who am I kidding he is truly is a dickhead, hell with it, it was a dead end job anyway, couldn’t work for free for another 6 month till I graduate. And the other job with I actually got paid for, well hell with that, my body cant handle night shifts anymore. I could ask my friends for a job but I don’t like that, I don’t like it when people help me, there is this guilt I feel that I have to return the favour and I don’t know how. I will try to return the favour and all I do is create more awkward moment which probably might ruin another friendship.
So now I am left with a keyboard and a laptop to brag about it.
I guess the point of this disease is that sometimes we just go to say fuck it!
It is the last summer break I ever have so I might just keep on yelling at the sky, maybe one day the sun replies back to me!
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Perhaps my idea of what goal means is different than the main stream. it feels not normal not having to do anything. At the beginning it felt right, felt relaxing but now it is annoying me a little, I feel kind of lost. Maybe it is me realizing that what a pain my life is going to be considering how I hate my degree and even escaping from it in the holidays which I am going to get once I get a full time job well not fully satisfy me.
ReplyDeleteThere was a time that my mind was full of ideas, thoughts, thing to write and talk about, and after 3 years I have forgotten them for many reason. I hate how I learned to censor myself and my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mansour that it's only a disease if you treat it as such :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy it while it lasts; I'm quite certain there's a lot for you out there in the future, and you'll get there once you finish your education when you believe you're done.
It's 6 months later, so I'm curious to know how things turned out! I hope everything's going smoothly now! :)