You can only be liberated when you try to see reality and reflect on it. I am aware of the difficulties of known what is real and what you want it to be real. The vast majority of us live our life centered on wanting to make reality something else.
Do not get me wrong, don’t think I am promoting reality as a thing with a finite shape which cannot be changed, I am aware of the power of free will, the ability to shape our own reality, my point is accepting the limit of our ability. While it is normal to want your life to be in a certain way there are many factors which beyond our ability to control, do not feel lost and out of control when those things happen, this does not mean you are no in control of your life, infact you are, what you are not in control of is reality.
Reality consist of you, me, them, others, the table and, your life is defined based on your interaction of you with reality. You can control your interaction, however you can never predict the reality and the impact of your interaction with it, respect it and move on.
Do not see life as a battle and say ‘I accept defeat’, see life as life and realize you are a human with limited ability, respect your limit and grow with it.
At what point should I worry about my life? When the hair line is slowly increasing its march backward towards my spine, when my waist is slowly expanding, when my friends are in a manner that I know their faces but not their name, or perhaps when the people I thought are my friends are in fact strangers.
I don’t get it why sadness and pain always seem to have an aesthetic to all of us, we get the pain and the suffering but we get it in the most amazing way, in a way it makes us feel good in a bad way! It seems like happy moment has no meaning on paper where as pain and suffering just makes perfect sense on paper with minimum effort of trying to pain them with words? Or maybe it is because the entire sadness I read in the paper is understood so easily by me is because I have lived it at least once or maybe more than once.
We only remember the extreme emotion within our life I hope there is more to life than the extremes I know so far.
It was a brief encounter, an event beyond words ability to describe, complete accident, complete non-sense, illogical incident but it was magical, it was like the universe arranged for this to happen.
Accident do not take place, but if they do they rarely this magical. Two strangers meet and they somehow learn in few brief encounters without knowing one other carefully they have this ability to get one another almost completely.
They did not need to explain the obscure and strange nature of their mind to one another. The thoughts that made others frown out of discomfort when they heard them verbalize it, it only made them smile, smile because they get it.
They were too alike and strange, so strange that they both always told themselves that if there was one more of them this world would be too small for both of them. But here they were, two people so much alike, what there is for them to do? Should they pretend they never saw one another, should they just pretend so they do not need to say good bye? Should they continue and be amazed how much they are alike? But they know one day they would hate each other, hate each other for getting so used to one another, for known what the other one is like, for reading one another’s mind without the need for words; hating each other for known the thoughts, desires, personality, needs and for the addiction they might have to another one day. Hating the mutual need of one another that it might make them sick to think about it, the beating heart, the anxiety, the question, the thoughts, the jealousy and the apologies that follows’ soon after.
What them to do? Say good bye or pretend nothing happened.
Who knows maybe it was just all in their head, maybe they wanted to see the another that way all because they just wanted to, they needed to.
But yes, “Fihe Mafih”
So the next page is left blank intentionally so there is space for changes perhaps a chance to go back and add things if it was needed, maybe yes maybe make changes that made it better, made it all worthwhile, worth living...
Coffee, tea, casual chat with mates you know not for too long because of 'only girls talk for long'. Looking at old emails, having a laugh at myself and asking myself 'what the fuck the discussion was about that it end up going this way'. Than picking up a book I bought two years ago and reading half a page and than realize why I didnt bother finishing the book 2 years ago, than leaving the book back where it was for another two years.
Look up illegal websites for pirated songs , download it than half way between the song realize I want to see what the video clip looks like.I than end up watching the clip and hate the song due to the clip, leaving the song half way unfinished because I got carried away due to the other clips on the side bar of youtube.
Ten minutes later I than wonder hoW in the world you from 'Armin live 2010' you end up watching a 'panda sliding down a slide in china ZOO'!
Get myself more tea, play with cats, realizing he is hungry than feed him, set and watch tv, I am not really watching it, it is just turned on and I am just looking at it paying no attention to the tv scenes, than my dad asks me a question about the scence thinking I am in deep contemplation about the news and therefore asking me questions about what I think about the event and me being clueless of the reason behind his question I ask what is he refering to? And the discussion begins! From Mubarak to Egypt we end up talking about whether my university has any Persian book and if yes whether I can borrow it for him!
And all this takes place in a tone that if someone else sees us talking they would think we are about two minutes away from punching one another! I hate how all us afghan yell when we talk normally!
This is what I do when I am bored, doesn't happen that often but it does happen from time to time!
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